Relationships- Do you find virginity a barrier?

I don't know about you guys, but I find that when it comes to relationships I struggle. Not in the sense that I have no confidence, or I don't know how to approach/be around women, but the tackling of the ''virginity'' issue.
My first serious girlfriend, although she had different reasons to me, was a virgin, and wanted to remain a virgin till marriage. We openly talked about it, and it was great to have that support and understanding from the other person in the relationship. However, things happen, people change, and we parted, going our separate ways...
Now, another girl came into my life recently. She had just come out of a long term relationship, where they'd been having sex... like most 21st century couples. Anyway, I found myself holding back from telling her about my beliefs... I guess she just presumed i'd been sexually active with my previous girlfriend, and although as much as I liked her, and she clearly liked me, I kept my distance, putting up a barrier so to speak. I convinced myself that because she'd been in a longterm relationship with SEX, she wouldn't want to be stuck with me who wouldn't be giving her the sex she was so used to.
Anyway, she's ended up getting back with her ex because nothing happened between us...

Do any of you have the same/similar problem?
I find it really gets to me...

Would love to know what you think, or hear your stories!

Hey cky!
Welcome to the Forum! Its great to have another member... coz we're pretty low on those at the mo!!

I know exactly what you're going thru! I come from a little bit of a different angle (I would like my future girlfriend/wife to be a virgin too) thus it really makes my life complex too.

I totally get where you're coming from coz this '21st century couples' business is something I live with everyday! I'll tell you why... I'll meet a girl I really get along with her, we hit off like a house on fire. We click and have all the 'positives' most would look for in a relationship! Then I find out she's not virgin! Obviously we've gotten pretty close to be discussing things like that, but by then my heart has fallen for this girl... now what do I do... its such a tough spot to be put in! I think maybe this time it'll work out (yes, I have tried before) Often I just can't live with the fact that my 'wife' to be has been intimate with another guy... its something I can't wrap my head around!!

So in terms of virginity getting in the way of relationships... definitely! It crops up in all sorts of different area's... places and varieties!

I know this probably hardly helped you... but its my story! I am pretty open with my Virginity.... most people who hide it are the ones who don't have it... its weird, I prefer to have it out there... this is me... this is who I am!

virginwriter wrote:Hey cky!
Welcome to the Forum! Its great to have another member... coz we're pretty low on those at the mo!!

Heyy! Thank you
This is such a great site, I can't believe you don't have that many members!!
We need to PROMOTE! Hahahaha

Great post, CKY.

I find this to be a big problem when finding a suitable girl with whom to spend the rest of my life. Most of the women I have gone out with automatically assume I have had sex before, just like them. This is an automatic strike against her, and frankly, I don't want her in that case. It is too bad because I have had a lot of chemistry with different women I've dated. I date women with only one purpose in mind: to work towards marriage. Unfortunately, I want to marry a woman who has waited for me, so it will be reciprocal. Later it will be more difficult for either of us to leave the marriage since we both had invested equal amounts regarding sex.

Imagine marrying a woman who you give your virginity to, you marry her, and then she decides to leave you. You then are relegated to being just some fool down her list of conquests. If both wait for marriage, there are stronger reasons for trying to stay together. If there is some breakup, both suffer the same on the sexual level.

Now, if the girl you are seeing leaves you after you deny her sex, you know she wasn't interested in you. She wanted sex. Waiting for marriage automatically weeds out these bad apples. If she were interested in you, she would do what it takes to have sex with you, which is to marry you. The stakes were too high for that woman. She wanted it fast and now. She may have even given you an insulting parting shot as she went off with the guy who gives her sex. Such an attitude shows immaturity and lack of control.

"It is my body and I'll do whatever I want with it." A common attitude. Well, I choose to abstain until I get a formal lifelong committment. I'm doing whatever I want with my body. Why all the criticism? Because you can't have me? :-).



I don't know about you guys, but I find that when it comes to relationships I struggle. Not in the sense that I have no confidence, or I don't know how to approach/be around women, but the tackling of the ''virginity'' issue.
My first serious girlfriend, although she had different reasons to me, was a virgin, and wanted to remain a virgin till marriage. We openly talked about it, and it was great to have that support and understanding from the other person in the relationship. However, things happen, people change, and we parted, going our separate ways...
Now, another girl came into my life recently. She had just come out of a long term relationship, where they'd been having sex... like most 21st century couples. Anyway, I found myself holding back from telling her about my beliefs... I guess she just presumed i'd been sexually active with my previous girlfriend, and although as much as I liked her, and she clearly liked me, I kept my distance, putting up a barrier so to speak. I convinced myself that because she'd been in a longterm relationship with SEX, she wouldn't want to be stuck with me who wouldn't be giving her the sex she was so used to.
Anyway, she's ended up getting back with her ex because nothing happened between us...

Do any of you have the same/similar problem?
I find it really gets to me...

Would love to know what you think, or hear your stories!